Change.

It happens right? For the better...I hope.

"And there will be heartaches and pains, yes it will. But through it all, we will remain."

I need better days...

"Even though i like to keep you mine, My plan is not to change your mind"

I feel so lost now. Everything is going by so fast & none of it is making sense. I haven't been getting enough sleep, I'm emotionally unstable, and all I want to do is cry, even though I don't show it. Right now, I want someone or something permanent in my life - "For keeps," you know? But it's just so hard when everything feels so seasonal and always changing.

I feel that I'm being selfish a lot of the times these days. If you do know me, selfish is what I don't want to be, AT ALL. I honestly try to be there for the people who matter in my life & also the people who don't. I mean, anyone can call me during the middle at the night & guarantee that I will pick up the phone. Like this week, Eric called me around 5:00 in the morning & I picked up just because he wants to hear what a girls voice sounds like when she wakes up. That's how I am though, I rather put someone else before me. But now a days...I've been giving my all to everything & now I just want to tell everything to fuck off. Selfish...

I really really want to become a better person...you don't even know.

Don't rock the boat.

I want to go have fun right now. I rested the whole day yesterday & I'm ready to get out of the house. Honestly...all I want to do is have fun. Homework has been a burden in my head especially the poster I have to make for Filipino which is due on tomorrow. But I'm sure it won't take that long & I have two test tomorrow, what a joy. I'm probably going to go study at 5ish? I don't know.

A lot of things have been in my head. It's not exactly bad and not exactly good, but it's just been in my head sitting there. People keeps changing there mind about shit & all I want is a permanent feeling... I just really want to run away from my emotions & feelings right now or at least get out of reality for one day. Maybe knotts or disneyland? I'm down.

don't regret the things you did in the past. regret the things you could have or should have done.

Empty.

I feel incomplete. I'm crazy tired, stressed & overstimulated.
All I feel like doing is crying but no tears are coming out.



The Lakers are loosing right now & it's pretty sad )=

Suger, spice and everything nice.

I went to church today & it felt pretty good. I think it was a reassurance that God is telling me that everything is going to be alright. I'm actually going to try coming weekly now if I can though. Everything just been in my head and it's driving me crazy even though I don't show it physically. I always carry this "Let's go chill," kindda attitude but what I really want is to start getting focus. I've also been thinking about what's worth it now. Is anything really worth it these days? I mean common, nothing is permanent right now especially if you're in high school. Everything changes constantly so what's the point? All I'm saying is that I'm down to have fun & chill, but when it comes to relationships, I'm good unless feelings are actually there. Yeah?

Now what?

I don't know what to feel.
Emotional, confused, lonely, nostalgia?

It's a mixture of all four of them.
I need to take a break from reality.

It's official.

I think it's funny how I think I'm going out too much so I stay home. Then when I stay home , I have an urge to go out. Haha, weird. But anyways, I went out today! I was planning to stay home the whole day & catch up on sleep but my dad wanted to get out of the house so we went to go bath&body, 99 ranch, Kanor driving school, target, & Bestbuy. So I'm going to start driving in about a month! I'm really excited right now & the best part of it all, I might take the class with my Kuya Loren! Ahaha. OHH & I notice my sleeping pattern is off. I went to bed at 1ish, woke up at 4ish cause Jane called then went to sleep at 5ish, woke up at 7ish to take a shower then slept at 9ish & woke up at 12ish to start my day. It's whatever though. Currently...I am confused but I'm alright? Does that even make sence? Haha, it's all good though. I am hella high on life & nothing is going to stop my fun.

Look into me a little bit deeper.

Patience is key. I'm not going to force anything on you anymore. I'm not going to jump ahead to the future. I'm going to enjoy the times I have with you now and just live it up with you. I'm just so happy there is someone like you in my life. I haven't felt like this in over a year & all of a sudden, you walk into my life. No matter how long it will take, it's going to be a lesson for me. I am right here, but know that your all I'm looking at.

I am happy for you! Yeah, you know who you are.
"Don't you feel like your Obama winning presidency?!"

Superhuman

Hmm, today I took a nap for about four hours today. It felt pretty good! I slept at 2 AM yesterday just studying for AP World unit III exam which I think I failed along with a chemistry test. I think it's because I've been having way too much fun lately. I need a reality check right now. This weekend, I hope to just chill at home, but than again I don't cause Jane is coming back! I'm freaken excited.

Dr. Sloan: You obviously have no problem telling me or your patients how you feel so why not tell O'Maley?
Dr. Grey: You're the last person who should be giving out romantic advice.
Dr. Sloan: Well when I like someone, I make sure they know it. Life's too short to live any other way.
Dr. Grey: But what if he doesn't like me back?
Dr. Sloan: Then he's an idiot.

Right? :l

This could be you #2

1. Three more days till I see your face! I'm hella excited. Anyways, yeah. You need to come back ASAP cause I miss you! & I need to talk to about things.

2. Thanks for being there lately. We've been getting hella close & I know that I can always count on you to listen to all my stupid problems I have on the daily. We need to chill sooon.

3. We're hella like twins, I'm not even joking. It's like whatever I'm thinking, you're probably thinking about it too. It's weird, but I like it. We've been getting close & thanks for watching my back these couple of days. I'm here if you ever need me.

4. You are the only person I see in my eyes. Before anything happens, I hope we get to know each other better. The thing that attracts me to you the most is that you give off such a positive vibe - one of the best I had in awhile. Almost everything you do makes me smile & in random times of the day, I find myself thinking about you. Weird, right?

5. It was nice catching up with you these last couple of days! Ahaha, I wish I can see you more, but I know your busy. I called you on Sunday cause I was drinking soda & it reminded me of you. Ahaha! Anyways, it's good to know that you're still in my life.

6. Take a chill pill! You will get your share of guys. To be honest, I don't get guys & it bugs me that you think I do. I'm not a player & will never will be. Just cause a guy is cute, doesn't mean anything to me if there personality can't back it up. One day you'll get your guy & I'll be jealous, just watch! :)

7. Stupid asshole. Get out of my life cause you're not welcome inside of it. None of your charm worked on me bitch! If you can change your game, then just MAYBE we can talk again, just as friends. I highly doubt that though cause that night probably meant nothing...But as of right now, you're just pathetic person trying to get game.

8. Stop using people.

"You can either keep your pride and get nothing or you can take a risk and maybe...maybe get everything.

You know that I know & I know that you know. I don't know why I'm acting like this. I should just tell you wsuph & how I feel but then again, you should too. It's my fault though...I've been meaning to tell you how I feel for the last week or two actually. But I really don't want it to be a "thing," that never turns into a relationship. I've had too many of those and I think this time is really different. You're not like most guys I know, but then again - I hardly know you. I want to get to know you better though, but do you feel the same way? I'm only a phone call away.

"7 out of 10. KEEEPER!"