"Even though i like to keep you mine, My plan is not to change your mind"

I feel so lost now. Everything is going by so fast & none of it is making sense. I haven't been getting enough sleep, I'm emotionally unstable, and all I want to do is cry, even though I don't show it. Right now, I want someone or something permanent in my life - "For keeps," you know? But it's just so hard when everything feels so seasonal and always changing.

I feel that I'm being selfish a lot of the times these days. If you do know me, selfish is what I don't want to be, AT ALL. I honestly try to be there for the people who matter in my life & also the people who don't. I mean, anyone can call me during the middle at the night & guarantee that I will pick up the phone. Like this week, Eric called me around 5:00 in the morning & I picked up just because he wants to hear what a girls voice sounds like when she wakes up. That's how I am though, I rather put someone else before me. But now a days...I've been giving my all to everything & now I just want to tell everything to fuck off. Selfish...

I really really want to become a better person...you don't even know.